The Week of Unknown Pranks
by belgian quaffle
Summary: James and Sirius are baffled when someone else starts pranking Snivellus. Lily is still trying to feel her way around the office. Albus tries to score an invite to the Semi-Annual Chair Races. Or, the Marauders The Office AU


**A/N:** Hi! Please note this is a wizard-muggle hyrbid world, where technology and magic can co-exist.

* * *

 _Monday, 8:52 am_

"Why do you look so happy?" Dorcas Meadows, secretory extraordinaire, snaps her gum as James Potter approaches, stopping to hang his coat at the rack near her desk.

James puts on his most innocent grin. "I have no idea what you're talking about,"

Dorcas, or Dee, as the friendly secretary often went by, catches on immediately, used to the antics of the office at this point. "Did you prank Snivellus today?"

"Dee!" Sirius Black, James' best friend and partner in crime, steps up behind him, and sends his typical flirtatious grin toward the girl in front of him. As usual, she doesn't react. "How dare you accuse us of such a thing?"

The side of James mouth curls up in a mischievous grin. "You know that the answer is yes,"

Dorcas peers up over the edge of her tall desk toward the cluster of desks shared by James, Sirius, and Severus Snape-nicknamed Snivellus by the two and rarely called otherwise-and widens her eyes interestedly. "Oh, good work, boys! He's not in yet; you have some time to settle your alibis,"

Sirius frowns. "What are you talking about? We haven't done ours yet!"

"Look at his keyboard!" Dorcas throws her hand over in that general direction. "And you'll tell me you didn't do that,"

James and Sirius follow her hand to see the short, yellow, tentacle-like projections that are the tell-tale signs of freshly sprouted Flitterbloom growing out of Snivellus' keyboard.

"We didn't do that," James says, looking around, his eyes wide.

"Yeah, ok," Dorcas grins knowingly.

"That wasn't us!" Sirius protests.

She looks between the two of them, just as confused and amazed as the Pranksters. "Then who was it?"

James frowns, his search around them yielding nothing. "I don't know Dee, but I'm going to find out,"

* * *

 _ **Confessional: James Potter and Sirius Black**_

"Just go? Alright, name's James Potter. I've worked here at Dumbledore-Flamel Parchment for...Merlin, _five years_ now," He stares straight ahead and finishes with a dead pan. "and every day is a gift,"

"Excuse you," Sirius turns in his seat next to James and glares. "Every moment you spend with me _is_ a gift,"

James looks directly ahead again. "Do you see what I mean?"

* * *

 _Monday, 9:24 am_

James is at the water cooler when the shout comes. "POTTER!"

He pulls himself away from trying to decide if the redhead on the other side of the room got a haircut in favor of smiling brightly at the dark-haired man in front of him. "Snivelllus! Good morning! Have a good weekend?"

Sirius snickers at his desk, lounging back casually in his chair. "Get a good _lie in_?" From both his tone and the smirk on his face, _he_ had _gotten a good lie in_ this weekend, to use the term they'd coined way back when, whenever one of them got lucky. Usually, it got a rise out of Snivellus from the tone alone, unsure why they were always asking him about sleeping late with such grins on their faces.

Today though, there was nowhere to rise. Snivellus' face was already red and blotchy and he glared at James ferociously. "POTTER!" He repeated. " _What_ did you do?"

"Not too much so far," James shrugs, walking back over to their desk cluster. "Server's running slow today so by the time I logged on, I've really only had time to check my e-mail. Benjy's sent another chain."

"Did he?" Sirius leans forward excitedly, clicking around with his mouse to look for the email. "How are we dying this week?"

"A child named Clarissa escaped from Azkaban and is going to track us all to our rooms at night," James grins.

"POTTER!" Snivellus roars again. "What did you do to my computer?"

"Oh!" James shrugs as he sits down, reaching out for his tea. "Dunno, Snivellus, wasn't us," He blows casually on his mug.

"Right," Snivellus returns snidely. "And our next product will be edible parchment,"

"That's the best idea you've ever had, Snivelly," Sirius beams. "Imagine, cotton candy parchment!"

James' eyes light up. "Notes you send in class that you could _actually_ eat when you got caught!"

"POTTER!"

"Ugh," Sirius shakes his head. "Must you be so loud, Snivellus? This is an office,"

"People are working," James adds.

Snivellus' next response is cut off by the arrival of their boss, Albus Dumbledore, the eccentric head of the company, Dumbledore-Flamel Parchment Company. He looks at the three of them with mild interest, addressing his employee's rage with the same mild-mannered tone he would use to ask about his weekend. "Severus. What seems to be the problem?"

Dumbledore's presence alone tempers Snivellus' glare as he answers. "Potter messed with my computer again,"

James bites his lip hesitantly as Dumbledore appraises the situation in front of him, but it seems there's nothing to worry about. "It seems to me that Mr. Potter has merely created you a lovely garden for the workplace, but if it bothers you so, Severus, then," He waves his wand to vanish the blooming plant...only for more buds to appear. Snivellus makes a noise of annoyance, but Dumbledore gets a twinkle in his eyes. "Well it seems you'll have a garden anyway, Severus," He conjures up a new keyboard, placing it alongside the blooming one on the desk. "Perhaps the three of you can work out a watering schedule,"

"Can't," Sirius holds both thumbs up. "Black thumbs," He grins and then he and James burst into laughter.

* * *

 _ **Confessional: Severus Snape**_

"Potter can say whatever he wants," Severus narrows his eyes. "But _some of us_ are more focused on doing our actual _sales work_ so that we don't have time for such childish nonsense to make sure our egos get their fill. I think you'll find the numbers speak for themselves." He leans back in the chair with a satisfied smirk on his face.

* * *

 _Monday 12:57 pm_

"Ok, but did you have to antagonize him so much," Remus Lupin sighs, pulling out one of the breakroom chairs to sit.

"Moony!" Sirius gasps. "How dare you ask such a question. Antagonize is my middle name!"

"Just ask his mother," James snickers.

"You didn't even do it! All I'm saying was, you could have left this one alone a little,"

"It's like he doesn't even know us!" Sirius says dramatically.

"And we call him a brother," James agrees.

Remus bites back another sigh. As the Human Resources Representative, he often felt conflicted, torn between his two best friends and the consequences of the pranks they pulled. "Well, what happened to _your_ prank?"

"Oh, we scrapped that," Sirius waves off his comment.

"You should _see_ the look on Snivellus' face every time he looks up and sees the Flitterblooms," James beams.

"Remember, if he kills you, _I have to do the paperwork_ , so at least _try_ and be nice to him today," Remus knows a lost cause when he sees one.

"Well it's not like you'll have anything else to do if we croak," Sirius says bluntly.

"The extra paperwork can keep you busy!" James teases.

"It's time to find new friends," Remus rubs his temples.

"I've been telling you that for years," The arrival of the blonde and red head has all three looking up from their lunches. Marlene McKinnon, the blonde, was the sassy Director of Customer Service for Dumbledore-Flamel, and was a longtime friend of the boys, particularly James, with whom she'd grown up because of their parents being friends. The red head, Lily Evans, was a more recent addition to the company, though Marlene had quickly taken her under her wing.

"Oi!" James protests, sliding his chair over to make room for the girls. "Offense!"

"Tough," Marlene shrugs, slipping into the seat next to him. "So, how'd you do it?"

"We didn't," Sirius says flatly.

She gives him a look. "Uh huh, okay, and I didn't order an Elphias Doge bag online this morning when I should have been going through the customer complaints,"

"Marlene!" Lily gasps.

"What am I supposed to do this afternoon, Lily?"

"Marley, it wasn't us!" James protests.

Marlene's blue eyes narrow as she stares him down. "Well who the fuck else is pranking Snivelly?"

"Our new hero," Sirius returns solemnly.

* * *

 _ **Confessional: Marlene McKinnon and Lily Evans**_

"Lily started here, I'd say 4 months ago?" Marlene looks over at her friend for confirmation. "And let me tell you, _it's been great_ finally having another woman at the office,"

"Marlene!" Lily shakes her head. "There are three other women in the office besides us!"

"Women that I _like_ ," Marlene clarifies.

"So honored," Lily says. "The one woman she likes,"

"Only _person_ , on some days,"

"You're the head of customer service!" Lily cries.

"What's your point, Lily?"

"It's _in your job_ to like people!"

Marlene shakes her head and scrunches up her nose. "Silly Lily,"

* * *

 _Tuesday, 9:03 am_

"Unbelievable," Sirius gasps, staring in front of them at Snivellus' desk, which along with his chair and everything he owned, was wrapped in Christmas paper. "Are you doing this without me?" He pouts.

"We live together!" James says incredulously.

"Well I don't know what you get up to at night," Sirius sniffs haughtily. "It's six to eight whole hours apart."

"Whatever do you do with yourself," James says dryly, approaching the desk with care to examine the work in front of them. "You think Moony is pranking without us?" He adds, feeling hurt even as the words leave his mouth.

"He would never!" Sirius says adamantly. "Mostly because his conscious wouldn't let him. But also, this wrap job is too perfect to be his,"

Which, fair point.

"Foiled again," James mutters.

Snivellus is enraged when he enters to find his entire workspace wrapped in Christmas paper, and more so when many of his office supplies are inside boxes upon boxes that take him ages to open. It's mid-morning before he has the whole thing unwrapped and he glowers at James and Sirius the entire time.

James' admiration for the mysterious prankster grows.

* * *

 _ **Confessional: James Potter and Sirius Black**_

"So, we've come up with a list," Sirius says, rather seriously.

"Except we've already eliminated everyone from it," James holds up a piece of parchment (from DF's new, brightly colored line) with a bunch of names, all scratched through with dark lines.

Sirius' eyes narrow. "All our suspects either didn't have the means to do it or they're just not bright enough,"

"No offense, Pete," James adds. "We know you try, but..."

They shrug simultaneously, matching expressions showing off just how sorry they truly weren't.

* * *

 _Tuesday, 2:37 pm_

"...and if we are all VIGILANT with our orders," Alastor "Mad-Eye" Moody barks during the office's weekly roundup, eyes wild as he looks around the room at them all. "Then we won't have any of the _shit_ that happened last week with the Hogwarts school order!" He pauses, just long enough for everyone to settle in their seats, so they all jump when he shouts, "CONSTANT VIGLIANCE!"

"Thank you, Mad-Eye," Albus fights back an amused smile.

"Has he finally lost it?" Sirius mutters to James.

"He lost it a long time ago," James whispers back.

"Next, we'll hear from our office manager with an update from around the office," Albus smiles pleasantly. "Miss Evans?"

"Remind me?" Peter Pettigrew, from accounting, leans over. "Exactly what's an office manager?"

"She manages the office, you blithering idiot," Snivellus snaps, overhearing the question and adding his two cents.

James and Sirius exchange a look. They'd yet to figure out what had Snivellus so sensitive regarding anything about their newest co-worker, but for some reason, the slightest bit about her set him off. "Well, that was less than helpful, Snivellus," Sirius returns.

"I'll be placing a supply order sometime early next week," Lily announces. "So, if there's anything you'd like, let me know!"

"Hey, Evans!" James pokes his hand up; she looks over. "I need a new chair. The wheels on mine have been broken since we had Chair Races last week,"

"You have a wand, Potter," Lily tilts her head at him, confused. "Just-fix it,"

"Well, er, I tried that," James nods confidently. "Except, I actually burnt one of them off? While using my wand to propel the chair. So, um, I tried to fix it, and the new wheel just isn't the same,"

"Serves you right," Snivellus says haughtily.

"Eh shut it Snivelly," Edgar Bones, of accounting and Second Place fame in the Semi-Annual Chair Races, waves him off. "You're just pissed you came in last!"

"It's a stupid competition and waste of time!" Snivellus sniffs.

"Spoken like a true sore loser!" Sirius grins.

"Spoken like a-" Snivellus begins.

James cuts him off. "So, where have we fallen on this new chair thing?"

"Uhh," Lily hesitates.

"Chair granted," Albus nods. "So long as you invite me to your next Chair Races,"

James and Sirius exchange an interested look with Edgar and Remus. "Deal," James grins.

* * *

 _ **Confessional: Remus Lupin**_

"I was supposed to give a talk this week about wasting time in the workplace," Remus taps his fingers together. "...but I don't think that's going to be happening,"

* * *

 _Wednesday 9:18 am_

"What did you do to my mouse?" James looks up hopefully, catching Sirius' eye as Snivellus' clicks his mouse a few times, frowning only harder as nothing happens. "Potter!"

A grin spreads over Sirius' face and James feels a matching one grow on his own. They weren't any closer to figuring out who they Mystery Prankster was, but the two of them had dragged Remus into a long conversation about it at the pub last night that culminated in a discussion about how they were looking forward to coming in today to see what awaited them in the morning...only to come into the office with seemingly no pranks in sight.

"Having some trouble there, Snivelly?" Sirius asks calmly.

"As you well know," Snivellus snaps in return.

"We maintain our innocence in this and all pranks this week," James says, watching as Snivellus' clicks become more forceful.

"Right, like I'm supposed to believe-" Click! Sparks are flying across the room.

James' jaw drops as the vase on Dorcas' desk fills with flowers. Another forceful click and the water cooler is filled with a dark red wine. Click! Click! Click!

"A baby lion!" Sirius gasps, as the cub appears between his and James' desk.

"POTTER!" Snivellus roars through James' raucous laughter.

James wipes a tear away from his eye. "This is my favorite day,"

* * *

 _ **Confessional: James Potter and Sirius Black**_

"Would Remus be mad if made this guy our new furry little problem?" Sirius cuddles the lion cub close to his face.

"How could he be mad at a face like that?" James coos, scratching at behind the cub's ear.

* * *

 _Wednesday 3:16pm_

"This one's nice," James ignores the scoff from Snivellus across from him in favor of Sirius' grin. "Sending it now,"

Sirius gasps. "Look at the lake!"

"Shouldn't you be working?" Snivellus sneers.

"How's that mouse going, Snivelly?" James returns pleasantly. He gets a scowl in return.

"10 bedroom!" Sirius muses.

"Far from work," James acquiesces. "But we could hook the Floo up so we didn't have to Apparate everywhere,"

"What are you looking at?" Marlene's head suddenly appears on his shoulder, her arms looping around his neck. She's not alone; when James turns his head to look at her, he's able to see Lily just behind her, giving him the same strange look.

"Our new house out in the country,"

"You two own a house?" Lily frowns.

" _Why_ are you looking at houses?" Marlene corrects, asking the more important question.

"So Godric can have to space to run!" Sirius responds, like the answer should be obvious.

The girls exchange a look. "Who is Godric?"

"Our new pet lion!" James slides back in his chair, so the girls can see the cub sleeping under his desk. "Snivellus gifted him to us this morning!"

"Potter!" Snivellus snaps.

"Our apologies," Sirius nods solemnly before making the correction. "Snivellus' prankster gifted us him this morning, when they fixed his mouse to fire spells whenever he clicks."

Lily laughs. "And you're keeping him?"

"Look how cute he is!" James cries. "Of course, we are!"

"At least until Remus finds out and makes them get rid of it," Marlene snickers.

"Don't you say such hurtful words in front of Drizzy!" Sirius gasps.

"What?" Marlene laughs.

"Drizzy! We've called him Godric and nicknamed him Drizzy for short!" Sirius leans over to peer under James' desk. "Isn't that right?" He coos.

Marlene bites her lip, looking between the two of them. "Lily, help me out here; will it be better to tell Remus now or wait it out and _see_ how he reacts when he finds out about the lion?"

"The second, for sure,"

Marlene nods. "Ok, good,"

* * *

 _ **Confessional: Marlene McKinnon**_

"Sirius Black comes in with a freshly repaired finger and scratches all down his arm within a month" Marlene points for emphasis. "Or I buy drinks for the entire office,"

* * *

 _Thursday, 10:12 am_

"What? No-" Snivellus shakes his head. "Mr. Jone- _of course_ , I wouldn't, it was-" He stares at the phone in shock, the dial tone ringing loudly enough for James to hear it across from him. "POTTER!" He barks.

"Yes?" James leans forward, resting his chin in his hands.

Snivellus' eyes narrow. "You know what you did."

James grins. Actually, he doesn't. Mystery Prankster strikes again. "Remind me?"

"You changed Mr. Jones' shipping information to Ben Dover!"

James and Sirius burst into loud laughter. What a classic. James almost regrets that it wasn't him that changed it. "That's a hefty accusation there,"

"No one else has such a juvenile sense of humor to do such a thing," Snivellus sneers rudely.

"Well that's just ignorant of you," Sirius says. "This is right in Peter's lane!" He nods toward accounting.

The phone rings again...and again...and again. James and Sirius spend their day fighting back laughter as the fake names his customers complain about get better and better-Cherry Popper, Jack Meoff, Dixon Cider.

By the time lunch arrives and Snivellus stalks off angrily, they're unable to hold it in anymore, bending over laughing and burying their faces to hide the tears in their eyes.

Which is exactly how Fabian and Gideon Prewitt, the Warehouse Foremen, find them, when they step into the office.

"Oi!" Fabian nudges James to catch his attention. "Has something else happened?"

"What else happened?" James asks interestedly.

"I asked you first!"

"Someone changed all of the names for Snivelly's customer's orders," James explains

"Yeah, you guys," Gideon nods.

"No, _you_ guys," Sirius frowns, sharing the same confused glance as James. The Prewitt twins were the top remaining suspects left on their list for who the Mystery Prankster could be...except it wasn't them?

" _No, you guys_ ," Fabian argues.

"Well, apparently it's none of us!" James cries exasperated and throwing his hands up in the air.

"Man," Gideon sinks against James' desk. "We really thought it was you,"

"We'll tell you what; he's got some good names coming in if they haven't all called yet," Fabian adds.

"I'm slightly bitter we didn't think of this," Sirius says dramatically.

"It's so simple, yet so ingenious," James admires.

* * *

 _ **Confessional: James Potter and Sirius Black**_

Frowning, James stares straight ahead, lifting the parchment up. His eyes narrow as he dips the quill in ink and slowly, he scratches through the last two names on the list.

"And we're back to nothing," Sirius frowns.

"Absolutely zilch," James bites.

* * *

 _Friday, 8:58 am_

"Just. Wait." Dorcas can't even contain her glee as she doesn't bother with hello when James and Sirius enter.

"What's happened?" Sirius demands.

"It's-" She shakes her head, curls whipping back and forth. "No, you've got to see it for yourselves,"

James and Sirius exchange a look and a grin, then run over to their desks excitedly.

"This is incredible!" Sirius exclaims.

James has to agree.

Plastered all over every surface of Snivellus' desk are pictures of James' and Sirius' faces. They move from picture to picture, laughing with each other and pointing up, only to laugh even harder.

It's going to drive Snivellus crazy until he gets it off.

It also does absolutely nothing to prove James and Sirius' innocence.

James is sure that neither of them cares.

Snivellus arrives only a few minutes later, with the expected reaction. "POTTER!"

"Enjoying your re-decorating?" James asks, not looking up from the e-mail he's typing.

"They won't come off!"

This is news. "Won't they?" James asks mildly, looking up with interest.

"What did you use?"

"Wasn't-" Sirius begins.

"Don't try and tell me it wasn't you," Snivellus brushes him off. "It's your faces all over,"

Sirius shrugs. "Wasn't us,"

If looks could kill, James would have been down a best friend. With that last scathing glare, Snivellus returns to trying to remove the pictures and James and Sirius exchange another grin, before returning to work.

* * *

 _Friday, 5:23 pm_

"It took him at least an hour before he realized it was a Permanent Sticking Charm!" James laughs, taking a sip of his beer. Post-work happy hour is the best hour, especially on days like today, when most of the office is able to come out. "He refused to work at his desk for the rest of the day!"

Marlene snickers. "Talk about dramatic,"

"Right?" Sirius cries. "He has to stare at our faces all day anyway!"

"That'd make anyone miserable," Marlene quips instantly.

"Oi! Watch yourself, McKinnon,"

She grins. "You were able to all day, Black,"

"Just wish we knew who was doing this all week," James cuts in, stopping the two of them before they really got going (which he knows from experience is the right thing to do).

"No one believes it wasn't you two," Edgar says.

"It wasn't!" Sirius protests.

"Mmhmm," Edgar nods, grabbing his drink to go back to their table on the other side of the pub, followed by Marlene, who'd been eager to meet up with Dorcas since their arrival, leaving the boys with Lily.

"Lily, I swear, it wasn't us!" James argues his innocence, holding both his hands up in proof.

Lily gives him a look. "Well of course it wasn't you,"

A moment of silence settles over James, Sirius, and Remus. "It was you!" James gasps.

Lily merely lifts her beer to her mouth and sips before turning back toward Marlene, with only a flip of her hair.

"Well shit," Sirius blinks.

"I'm in love with her," James announces.

Remus sighs. "Yeah, that sounds about right,"

* * *

 **A/N:** Ok, so this was Part 1 of what is likely going to be many parts (because there are other parts I've already been working on) of a Marauders _The Office_ AU. Hope you all enjoyed :)


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